Yo dont text me then not text me
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
