I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
