I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit