It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
