i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy