i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him