It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.