we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
