She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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