my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
