I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
