just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
