can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
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