Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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