She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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