I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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