she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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