I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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