3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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