The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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