Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
