I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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