So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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