From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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