she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
