Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Randomize
