You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Terrible idea I love it
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
