The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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