Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
