I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
