got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
