The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize
