We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize