You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
