u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
you never un-have a 4some
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