Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
