it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
