Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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