apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
