Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
