i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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