But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
