Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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