i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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