i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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