So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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