thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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