she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
