In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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