yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
