He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
ttyl tear gas
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
