I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
