My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize