I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
