Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
