my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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