I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
