I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
