I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
