i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
