who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
