Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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