I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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