Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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