mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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