One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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