why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
